I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize