He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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