He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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