Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
