he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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