im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
