Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
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so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
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I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?