we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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