I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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