Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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