We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
