okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
nutella sex= disaster
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize