An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
