i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
