We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
