kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize