smell my finger.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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