You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
