Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
