sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
