Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
