Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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