thus making me awesome and them whores
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
