just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
