All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
