Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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