Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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