Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
