sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
