her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
