I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
