Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
accomplished twins. life is a go
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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