So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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