I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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