dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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