sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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