This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I didn't notice because vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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