just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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