Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize
