i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
