Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
