he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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