It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
