Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
