I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just had sex on a roof
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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