I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
