I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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