i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
