dude i'm inner monologue high
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
