Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
