Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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