I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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