If i come over, it means nothing
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
