Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
