dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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