Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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