Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm passing your future prison.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
