I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Welp...herpes.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
