i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
