Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
