I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
