I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
me + whiskey = a bad person
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We're too hungover to prance.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
