im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Randomize
