well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
