the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
